The Top Ten Signs You’re Ridding Your Life of Vampires!

I was going to write to all of our women over 50 bloggers about the changes I want to make in 2011, and believe me, there are more than enough to fill a week’s worth of posts.  However, as I look back at 2010, what strikes me most (besides the most obvious news stories) is that 2010 was the year of the vampire. It was everywhere.  Why are people so fascinated with vampires?  Not me, I’m all about getting rid of all the life sucking forces around me, and not only in 2011 but  “Ad infinitum et ultra!”

In 2010 I felt bombarded with vampire stuff everywhere around me.  Bookstores, movies, television, recipes, and even phone apps.  Even our beloved Jane Eyre has been reduced to a spin-off:  Jane Slayre by Charlotte Bronte and Sherri Browning Erwin.  

This volume takes Brontë’s classic and turns the Reed family into vampires, and Jane Eyre’s classmates into zombies.

Vampire Cupcake

If you were reading this vampire classic late into the night, were you sipping on your Vampire Blood Drink recipe courtesy of Michael Chiarello from the food network?  Maybe you preferred to veg out in front of the T.V. this past year.  If so, did you indulge in a vampire cupcake from Baking Bites? And, while you were devouring the last of your vampire cupcake crumbs, I know you enjoyed the all-American supernatural series, The Vampire Diaries.  Or, did you prefer the big screen?  Were you one of the millions that saw, Eclipse, voted the best vampire movie of 2010?  Have you had enough of The Twilight Saga films based on the books by author Stephanie Meyer which have been translated in 38 different languages?  A footnote here, the series grossed over $1.7 billion.  

Smashed from your vampire drink, you might’ve cruised the web for Bite This!  A Vampire Books blog for everything you ever wanted to know about vampires but were afraid to ask, including Vampire Apps for your iPhone like Choice of the Vampire: a text-based game where the user can begin her two-hundred year journey as a vampire in New Orleans circa 1815 for only $1.99.        

When you’re bored with that, I invite you to the fine sounds of vampire music videos (I’ll spare you).

Needing a laugh?  Try a few vampire jokes.  You can use them on your trick-or-treater’s or save them for your grandchildren on Halloween.

Like this one:  How do vampires get around on Halloween night?  By blood vessels.

So, move over David Letterman, presents:

Top Ten Signs You’re Ridding your Life of Vampires

  1. You get a big anti-vampire tattoo on your neck
  2. You breathe in fire every morning after meditation
  3. You drink a Martini with extra olives every Saturday night
  4. You scrape the dishes religiously every night before loading the dishwasher
  5. You start reading the old testament from the last page to the first
  6. You never  step in dog poop
  7. You never keep empty change in your pocket
  8. You brush your teeth with garlic paste, mix a little anchovy paste in there for extra precaution
  9. You play Tiptoe Through the Tulips  by Tiny Tim while you’re drinking that Martini with extra olives
  10. You post these on Facebook
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